A few days ago I made myself a doctor’s appointment for an insect bite that looked like it was becoming infected. Friends and family said it looked like a spider bite, but I can confirm I’M NOT GOING TO DIE!…well, at least not from a spider bite 😉
I did, however, receive some pretty terrifying and eye opening news. Of course I try to stay away from doctor’s offices because who wants to deal with germs, weight scales, and being poked for blood samples?! Surely not me! (which is why I don’t have tattoos!)
So I am called from the waiting room, walked through the back hallway to the scale. “You can remove your shoes if you’d like.” Well of course my 2-oz flats are coming off, lady! So I step up to see my fate.
236 pounds. Not kilograms. Not ounces. 236 whole POUNDS. Did I seriously put my weight on social media where the whole world can see?! Totally vulnerable now. Sista done lost ‘er mind!!!! Holyyyyyy moly, I wasn’t expecting that! I mean, I *knew* I had gained weight. I’ve actually been logging my weight every Friday at work, so it shouldn’t have been such shell-shock. But it was. Just 9 months ago, in September, I weighed 196 pounds. I may have shed a tear, or twenty. And maybe wanted to down 20 glasses of wine. But gaining weight was only one part of the bad news.
I sat down in the chair for the nurse to check my vitals. 98.3 degree temperature. 98% oxygen. Then comes the blood pressure reading. The nurse put the cuff on my arm. *Shup shup shup* goes the blood pressure meter. I’m sure I can feel my heart beating in my toes. Do they really have to squeeze it that tight?! Finally I feel the cuff release. I look at the red mark on my arm. The nurse doesn’t tell me the reading, so I ask. “150/80”. Well at least the bottom number isn’t it’s normal 90+!, I think to myself! I ask how bad is that…”definitely not good, especially for 24-year old!” Well durn! “I’m sure Dr. Bhaskaran will address that as well,” she says.
So I wait.
In walks this tall, dark, Indian doctor. Totally different from Shanna, the nurse practitioner I saw last time. We talk about the bite under my armpit. He reassures me it was common and not detrimental. He prescribes a cream for it. But then he’s silent. “Is there anything else you have concerns about?”, as he checks my heart with the stethoscope.
Of course I don’t want to talk about my weight! I’m quite ashamed. I mean, I weigh more now than the day I gave birth to a 9.6lber! I have no energy. I can’t keep up with my 2 year old…it’s sad when a 70-year old great-grandmother can keep up with Brody more than I can!
“Um, I think everything else is good.” “Oh no no no no. Things are not good,” he reiterates in his Indian accent. Oh crap! Just what have I done? My heart drops. He explains to me that my weight gain and blood pressure worry him. The blood pressure is pretty much at hypertension state. At my age, I am at risk of having a heart attack. AT 24! My weight gain is more than I should ever gain in that small amount of time. It makes it very hard to pump blood as efficiently as it should, and it makes my heart work a crap-ton harder than it should. Especially with a family history of high blood pressure, heart attacks & problems.
So Dr. Bhaskaran orders blood work. I asked him to check for EVERYTHING. I’d had blood work done to check on my thyroid almost a year ago, but the doctor didn’t check for various other factors that can attribute to hypothyroidism. He agreed. He schedules me for a follow-up appointment in 2 weeks.
So now we wait
I am the world’s worst wait-er! I like things to be done quickly and a timely manner, if it concerns my health. So here we are 6 days away from the follow-up appointment. Is it wrong of me to say I’m deathly afraid to go back? I don’t want to face reality. I mean, the blood work could show nothing, other than the fact that I’ve just become a fat @$$. That would mean I would just be responsible for losing the weight and thus, the blood pressure should also decrease. No need for medicine for the rest of my life. But on the flip side, I’m kinda wanting to put a name on “this”. A diagnosis. Yes, that’d mean daily medicine, possibly more doctor’s visits, and all over a pain-in-the-butt…But at least I could get help. Because I’ve heard with hypothyroidism, it is nearly impossible to lose weight without medicine regulating your thyroid.
So in the meantime, I get to revamp my way of eating. I get to coerce myself that even though its hotter than 30 hells outside, I need to get out there. I say this as my stomach is growling and begging for a whole entire key lime pie. I know through God, I CAN do this. But it’s my mind that needs deliverance! I tell ya…your mind is your worst enemy. The biggest “fear-leader” around. It contributes to your sleepless nights of worry and feeds your fears of “I can’t”. But, as Philippians 4:13 states, “I CAN do all things through CHRIST who strengthens me,”…I CAN do this. Now, that’s not saying I’m not going to need a lot of prayer to get through it. Because I can assure you, I will need a multitude!!! But its comforting to know I have a Savior backing me, and maybe a few of those who may be reading this little blog of mine! 😉